PETA Bread
by Robyn-Enjolras
Summary: Emmett accidentally signs the Cullens up to join PETA and the ASPCA. How will the rest react and what will they do at the meetings? R&R, pweasies! : No flames.


A/N: One of the few things I don't like about Twilight is how the Cullens & Co. eat animals. As a loyal member of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and the ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals), I cannot stand it.

So… I thought it would be kinda funny if, well, read the story to find out! Lawl. (By the way, ASCAP is a thinger for when a composer writes a song or symphony, they put an ASCAP next to their name so their work is copyrighted. Stands for American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers.)

* * *

It had been a very tranquil Saturday afternoon. It was broken when Emmett burst into the door, waving two envelopes over his head.

"GUYS! Looks what I got! You'll be so proud of me!" he grinned.

"What?" the Cullens and Bella sighed in a monotone.

"There were lots of people at the mall wearing shirts with kitties and doggies and horsies on them, and after I signed a few papers, they gave us. A FREE SUPPLY OF PITA BREAD FOR A YEAR!" Emmett screeched, handing one of the envelopes to Carlisle.

"Wow… why?" smirked Jasper.

"'Cause it's my present to Bella. Just 'cause I'm nice."

"I likes pita bread!" Bella chimed.

"Emmett.. you… you, you… dumbfrick," Carlisle deadpanned.

"Hm? Oh, sorry, Carlisle . I'm sorry you can't have pita bread. I miss it, too," Emmett sympathized.

"Emmett Elizabeth McCarty Cullen… do you have _any_ idea what this so called 'pita bread' is?" Carlisle glared evily at Emmett.

"Emmett's middle name is Elizabeth?" Alice giggled. Rosalie shushed her quickly.

"YOU FRIKKIN SIGNED US UP TO JON PETA! The prevention of cruelty to animals! You _idiot_! PETA, like, basically wants us to be hunted down and killed for what we do!" Carlisle lost control, grabbing Emmett by the collar.

"Eep," managed Emmett.

"Wait… so you guys are anti-PETA?" Bella asked innocently.

"Are you _kidding_ me!" Jasper said in disbelief.

Bella thought about the Cullens' ways for a moment, "Oh. Wow. You guys are mean!"

"It's our way of life, dear," Esme said.

Emmett struggled out of Carlisle's grip and handed the 2nd envelope to Edward, "Your name will have an ASCAP next to it now, 'cause I sent one of your symphonies into a musical publishing company!"

Edward took the envelope, "EMMETT! YOU DID ITI AGAIN!"

Carlisle sighed, "What did he do now? Mistake ASCAP for the ASPCA?"

"Yes," Edward said flatly.

"WHAT! I was being sarcastic!" Carlisle frowned, then turned to Emmett, "You've done it now, boy! When are we supposed to attend these PETA meetings?"

"Uhhhm… all's I know is that the ASPCA when is not for a while. But… I think the PETA one is like, tomorrow, or something," Emmett said quietly.

The Cullen sighed, Bella mourned for her loss of pita bread for a year.

"We get free t-shirts!" Emmett grinned.

"Lovely, just what we need," Carlisle slumped down into a chair. Esme crossed over to him and massaged his shoulders.

"How did you not see this coming, Alice?" Esme asked.

"Well, y'know. I hafta, like, watch out for _everybody_ and I figured some time ago that Emmett would someday come to his senses and not act like, in Carlisle's terms, 'dumbfrick'. I really should be more _careful_ next time…" Alice said that last part while glaring at Emmett.

"I likes animals!" Bella chimed again.

"I do too, lovesies," Edward patted her head.

"There's no way out of getting out of the meetings, the lady at the mall said that several times…" Emmett said.

"_Great_," sighed Carlisle.

"I should go now?" Emmett asked his father-figure, who nodded.

Emmett trudged out of the room with Rosalie at his heels, offering words of comfort.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, this is kinda a crummy beginning, but I just wanted to post this before someone else got the idea, lawl. Or if someone already posted something like this, I'm screwed. –le sigh-. Anyway, please review and I'll try to have the next chap up soon!

PS: I'm actually wearing my ASPCA shirt right now! It has a doggy with a word bubble in it's mouth:)


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